attempting to clear my stage

so as i have been back from uganda, and trying to pick my life back up here in america, it has been one of my top priorities to try to completely just focus on God at this time. Uganda brought new and fresh perspective into my life and i saw him in a completely different way than ever before, so now i am attempting to really rely on Him for everything in my life here in the states. its one thing to go overseas and be able to be faithful through actions and words when things are not familiar, but its another when it is your daily routines, when it affects what you are used to, and when distractions get in the way again because life just gets busy again. it is so easy to fall back into bad habits or just get sidetracked with everything going on. so thats my mission right now. thats what im trying to work on. getting back to just me and Him. no distractions. no idols. nothing else on my stage.

lessons learned. friendships formed. time well spent.

So. I'm home. Weirdest thing ever. Literally. I have never felt more out of place. Or thrown off my game. Granted, I have only been home for not even a full three days so far, but it has been a crazy experience already. When I first got off the plane, I was wearing a jacket and thought that would be enough to keep me warm. Welllllp, I quickly found out that was the wrong mindset to have. Its crazy how for four months, all I had to think about was, “oh, its getting chilly, ill go grab my long-sleeved shirt and be done with it”. It’s a good thing I have such a loving and caring mother that brought me a winter coat to slip into once I got past customs. 

speaking of loving and caring mothers, did I mention she also tried to kill herself while making me my favorite potato soup? Apparently she was cutting up ingredients and chopped off part of her finger. When I saw her in the airport , she had a huge white bandage wrapped around her finger and just started laughing when I asked her what happened. Haha. Oh mom, I love you.

Anyways. Being home has been quite the experience. Not only did I initially freak out at things like seeing my breath, shiny cars everywhere you look, sidewalks, my first hot shower, or even hearing someone say “merry christmas”, but on top of all that, I have had the most emotional time. I cry at everything. Like more than a pregnant woman. Its bad. I have been trying to hang out with and see some of my friends lately, and after initially being with them, I start to tear up and lose it at the thought of being with them again. It feels so surreal. Yes, im super grateful to be with my family and friends again, and now more than ever appreciate them, but being with them also makes me think of all the amazing people I left behind in Uganda. Half way through conversations I have here, I think of memories I shared with those back in mukono, Uganda and that makes my almost tears turn into huge, weeping sobs. I miss Reagan. Jean. Josh. Hope. Daisy. Terry. Divine. Jessie. Ruth. Christine.  …and those are just my on-campus friends. I wont mention the adorable kids at my internship, or the Americans that I went on the trip with that now live all across the nation who I probably wont see again.

That’s just it. This is why saying goodbye was so dang hard. Its not just an “ill see ya later” thing. Nope, instead you have to face the reality, that if you are being honest with yourself, you probably will not see these people ever again. That brings in a totally different perspective. This is what hurts so bad. It has been the most difficult thing to integrate my African life into my American life. Not that I was a different person in Uganda, but I don’t know how to explain experiences, moments, or lessons that actually give them justice or accurately describe how much the memories have impacted me at my core. On this trip I learned a ton about myself. I learned patience. I learned presence and to value just being with people. I learned a lot about how well- off I have it in the States, but that I can easily live a simple life with a positive attitude. I have learned how to be intentional with my conversations, opportunities, and interactions to show the love of Christ, I have learned to fine worth in a vocation over a career. I have been able to step back from my life and see how my past has affected me, but also how I desire to orient my future in such a way that brings God the most glory. It has been a semester of clarity, but also one that has ultimately challenged me in numerous ways. 

bucket list.

so from the very beginning, before i even stepped foot on african soil, i made myself a bucket list to try and accomplish while living here for four months. i figured i'd post it, since it is pretty meaningful to me as to what i feel i have accomplished here in Uganda. although, a lot of my time here that was most significant to me was making friendships and memories that i will never forget. that i cannot put on a list and check off... 

•      Learn how to count to ten in an African language
•          Devotions at sunrise
•          White water raft down the Nile river
•          See a giraffe
•          Eat something really gross (aka – a grasshopper)
•          Go to invisible children headquarters
•          Bungee jump?
•          Don’t shave my legs for a whole month just because I can
•          Shower out of a bucket
•          Get a blanket made with some cool African fabric that I pick out myself
•          Make some lifelong memories with tons of little children at my internship
•          Give a pair of shoes away to someone who needs them more than I do
•          Skype Hannah in India
•          Slaughter some kind of animal
•          Buy some really tasty authentic African tea
•          Ride an elephant
•          Carry something on my head
•          Get some awesome tan lines
•          Ziplining?
•          Go to passion world tour 2012
•          Give away one of my favorite bibles, underlining and all, to someone I know without a doubt God has awesome plans for
•          Master the art of peeing anywhere, despite if there is a toilet or not, or toilet paper for that matter
•          Buy one of the over the shoulder side bags with an awesome African design
•          Take home red dirt
•          Puddle jump during one of those crazy African downpouring rainstorm

the start of the goodbyes

So this week has been very challenging for various reasons. good news is that classes ended last week. but that also means a lack of motivation to do just about anything. it has been difficult to be productive becuase all i want to do is hang out with my ugandan friends on campus, but they have crazy exam schedules (seriously way worse than our finals back in the states) so i only see them at night. i only have a few days left to spend with them, and it is going to be very hard to say goodbye. i have decided to write everyone letters before i go. this means three of my closest guy friends and a couple of my ugandan girls that live on my hall with me as well. i have already started some of the letters, and they are so hard to write. i am going to hate leaving these awesome friendships behind, knowing that the only way we can probably communicate is through facebook. praise the lord for modern technology.

Reagan and Heather. one of our last days together.

we have a farewell party this week that is basically a very long and drawn out goodbye. with speeches, professional dress, and hopefully some amazing food. the thing is though, TONS of people are invited. people from campus that we live with, the host families we all stayed at, even our supervisors from our internships. so literally probably close to a hundred fifty ugandans or more. crazy.

so besides that, i had my last day of my internship this week as well. yay, more goodbyes. :/ this was one of the hardest parts so far. being able to develop relationships with the little children at Chain Foundation was probably my most favorite part of living in uganda! since their classes ended earlier in November, i have had the opportunity to just spend more time with them outside of a classroom setting. we played uno. gathered guavas off the trees together, i helped them to wash their clothes and hang them on the line to dry, painted nails, and even just playing on the swings or see-saw. ahh, they have grown on me so much. especially the ones that are vsually impaired! they are the cutest and sweetest things i have ever encountered. they come up to you and the first thing they do is grab your hand saying, "hi auntie! you come..." and then they drag you off somewhere to show you something.

one of my favorite memories with them was when my american friend, kelly, and i went to go with some of them to pick guavas off the trees. but, hold on. let me just paint a picture for you: two mzungu girls, leading about fifteen visually impaired boys through a field filled with all kinds of ditches, creeks, and cow dung, trying to find little tiny round fruits in extremely high tree branches. yeahhh, needless to say, we had them all hold hands and started leading them to the trees. it was so funny, though, helping them over the random creeks. having to explain to an eight year old where to put his foot in order to not step in the water or when to jump or to go right or left. and all this with a language barrier. and then, on top of that when we did get to a tree, they would just grab the branches and feel around for the guavas. except all the good and ripe guavas are at the top of the tree, so you are the one who ends up climbing up there to get them. it just made me smile. i cant even imagine what this all looked like to a bystander.... hahaa

another recent time i went i brought all kinds of nail polishes for the kids. i figured i would just ask the children what their favorite color was and paint their nails for them. it would be a good way for me and the girls to bond. however, i could not have been more wrong. most of them just grabbed the polish and started on their own nails. and not just their nails, but basically their whole hands. haha, what was i expecting giving nail polish to semi blind children? and well... it wasnt just the girls. the boys got a kick out of it too. since i brought black and bright blue along with my color scheme, they went nuts painting their nails as well. one little girl, emily, would paint her nails one color and then come back to grab another and would just paint right over top of the other color. then she would wait for it to dry and do the same thing again. at the end of the day, i had no idea how many layers of polish she had on there. it was so funny!

this is Akim. he was the first little boy i met at Chain!

so, as you can see, i am going to be leaving with some amazing memories. i just wish i could take some of the little black children back home with me!! :( however, being here did make me realize one thing: i definitely want to adopt a child from Africa in my future. if not specifically uganda!