lessons learned. friendships formed. time well spent.

So. I'm home. Weirdest thing ever. Literally. I have never felt more out of place. Or thrown off my game. Granted, I have only been home for not even a full three days so far, but it has been a crazy experience already. When I first got off the plane, I was wearing a jacket and thought that would be enough to keep me warm. Welllllp, I quickly found out that was the wrong mindset to have. Its crazy how for four months, all I had to think about was, “oh, its getting chilly, ill go grab my long-sleeved shirt and be done with it”. It’s a good thing I have such a loving and caring mother that brought me a winter coat to slip into once I got past customs. 

speaking of loving and caring mothers, did I mention she also tried to kill herself while making me my favorite potato soup? Apparently she was cutting up ingredients and chopped off part of her finger. When I saw her in the airport , she had a huge white bandage wrapped around her finger and just started laughing when I asked her what happened. Haha. Oh mom, I love you.

Anyways. Being home has been quite the experience. Not only did I initially freak out at things like seeing my breath, shiny cars everywhere you look, sidewalks, my first hot shower, or even hearing someone say “merry christmas”, but on top of all that, I have had the most emotional time. I cry at everything. Like more than a pregnant woman. Its bad. I have been trying to hang out with and see some of my friends lately, and after initially being with them, I start to tear up and lose it at the thought of being with them again. It feels so surreal. Yes, im super grateful to be with my family and friends again, and now more than ever appreciate them, but being with them also makes me think of all the amazing people I left behind in Uganda. Half way through conversations I have here, I think of memories I shared with those back in mukono, Uganda and that makes my almost tears turn into huge, weeping sobs. I miss Reagan. Jean. Josh. Hope. Daisy. Terry. Divine. Jessie. Ruth. Christine.  …and those are just my on-campus friends. I wont mention the adorable kids at my internship, or the Americans that I went on the trip with that now live all across the nation who I probably wont see again.

That’s just it. This is why saying goodbye was so dang hard. Its not just an “ill see ya later” thing. Nope, instead you have to face the reality, that if you are being honest with yourself, you probably will not see these people ever again. That brings in a totally different perspective. This is what hurts so bad. It has been the most difficult thing to integrate my African life into my American life. Not that I was a different person in Uganda, but I don’t know how to explain experiences, moments, or lessons that actually give them justice or accurately describe how much the memories have impacted me at my core. On this trip I learned a ton about myself. I learned patience. I learned presence and to value just being with people. I learned a lot about how well- off I have it in the States, but that I can easily live a simple life with a positive attitude. I have learned how to be intentional with my conversations, opportunities, and interactions to show the love of Christ, I have learned to fine worth in a vocation over a career. I have been able to step back from my life and see how my past has affected me, but also how I desire to orient my future in such a way that brings God the most glory. It has been a semester of clarity, but also one that has ultimately challenged me in numerous ways.