attempting to clear my stage

so as i have been back from uganda, and trying to pick my life back up here in america, it has been one of my top priorities to try to completely just focus on God at this time. Uganda brought new and fresh perspective into my life and i saw him in a completely different way than ever before, so now i am attempting to really rely on Him for everything in my life here in the states. its one thing to go overseas and be able to be faithful through actions and words when things are not familiar, but its another when it is your daily routines, when it affects what you are used to, and when distractions get in the way again because life just gets busy again. it is so easy to fall back into bad habits or just get sidetracked with everything going on. so thats my mission right now. thats what im trying to work on. getting back to just me and Him. no distractions. no idols. nothing else on my stage.

lessons learned. friendships formed. time well spent.

So. I'm home. Weirdest thing ever. Literally. I have never felt more out of place. Or thrown off my game. Granted, I have only been home for not even a full three days so far, but it has been a crazy experience already. When I first got off the plane, I was wearing a jacket and thought that would be enough to keep me warm. Welllllp, I quickly found out that was the wrong mindset to have. Its crazy how for four months, all I had to think about was, “oh, its getting chilly, ill go grab my long-sleeved shirt and be done with it”. It’s a good thing I have such a loving and caring mother that brought me a winter coat to slip into once I got past customs. 

speaking of loving and caring mothers, did I mention she also tried to kill herself while making me my favorite potato soup? Apparently she was cutting up ingredients and chopped off part of her finger. When I saw her in the airport , she had a huge white bandage wrapped around her finger and just started laughing when I asked her what happened. Haha. Oh mom, I love you.

Anyways. Being home has been quite the experience. Not only did I initially freak out at things like seeing my breath, shiny cars everywhere you look, sidewalks, my first hot shower, or even hearing someone say “merry christmas”, but on top of all that, I have had the most emotional time. I cry at everything. Like more than a pregnant woman. Its bad. I have been trying to hang out with and see some of my friends lately, and after initially being with them, I start to tear up and lose it at the thought of being with them again. It feels so surreal. Yes, im super grateful to be with my family and friends again, and now more than ever appreciate them, but being with them also makes me think of all the amazing people I left behind in Uganda. Half way through conversations I have here, I think of memories I shared with those back in mukono, Uganda and that makes my almost tears turn into huge, weeping sobs. I miss Reagan. Jean. Josh. Hope. Daisy. Terry. Divine. Jessie. Ruth. Christine.  …and those are just my on-campus friends. I wont mention the adorable kids at my internship, or the Americans that I went on the trip with that now live all across the nation who I probably wont see again.

That’s just it. This is why saying goodbye was so dang hard. Its not just an “ill see ya later” thing. Nope, instead you have to face the reality, that if you are being honest with yourself, you probably will not see these people ever again. That brings in a totally different perspective. This is what hurts so bad. It has been the most difficult thing to integrate my African life into my American life. Not that I was a different person in Uganda, but I don’t know how to explain experiences, moments, or lessons that actually give them justice or accurately describe how much the memories have impacted me at my core. On this trip I learned a ton about myself. I learned patience. I learned presence and to value just being with people. I learned a lot about how well- off I have it in the States, but that I can easily live a simple life with a positive attitude. I have learned how to be intentional with my conversations, opportunities, and interactions to show the love of Christ, I have learned to fine worth in a vocation over a career. I have been able to step back from my life and see how my past has affected me, but also how I desire to orient my future in such a way that brings God the most glory. It has been a semester of clarity, but also one that has ultimately challenged me in numerous ways. 

bucket list.

so from the very beginning, before i even stepped foot on african soil, i made myself a bucket list to try and accomplish while living here for four months. i figured i'd post it, since it is pretty meaningful to me as to what i feel i have accomplished here in Uganda. although, a lot of my time here that was most significant to me was making friendships and memories that i will never forget. that i cannot put on a list and check off... 

•      Learn how to count to ten in an African language
•          Devotions at sunrise
•          White water raft down the Nile river
•          See a giraffe
•          Eat something really gross (aka – a grasshopper)
•          Go to invisible children headquarters
•          Bungee jump?
•          Don’t shave my legs for a whole month just because I can
•          Shower out of a bucket
•          Get a blanket made with some cool African fabric that I pick out myself
•          Make some lifelong memories with tons of little children at my internship
•          Give a pair of shoes away to someone who needs them more than I do
•          Skype Hannah in India
•          Slaughter some kind of animal
•          Buy some really tasty authentic African tea
•          Ride an elephant
•          Carry something on my head
•          Get some awesome tan lines
•          Ziplining?
•          Go to passion world tour 2012
•          Give away one of my favorite bibles, underlining and all, to someone I know without a doubt God has awesome plans for
•          Master the art of peeing anywhere, despite if there is a toilet or not, or toilet paper for that matter
•          Buy one of the over the shoulder side bags with an awesome African design
•          Take home red dirt
•          Puddle jump during one of those crazy African downpouring rainstorm

the start of the goodbyes

So this week has been very challenging for various reasons. good news is that classes ended last week. but that also means a lack of motivation to do just about anything. it has been difficult to be productive becuase all i want to do is hang out with my ugandan friends on campus, but they have crazy exam schedules (seriously way worse than our finals back in the states) so i only see them at night. i only have a few days left to spend with them, and it is going to be very hard to say goodbye. i have decided to write everyone letters before i go. this means three of my closest guy friends and a couple of my ugandan girls that live on my hall with me as well. i have already started some of the letters, and they are so hard to write. i am going to hate leaving these awesome friendships behind, knowing that the only way we can probably communicate is through facebook. praise the lord for modern technology.

Reagan and Heather. one of our last days together.

we have a farewell party this week that is basically a very long and drawn out goodbye. with speeches, professional dress, and hopefully some amazing food. the thing is though, TONS of people are invited. people from campus that we live with, the host families we all stayed at, even our supervisors from our internships. so literally probably close to a hundred fifty ugandans or more. crazy.

so besides that, i had my last day of my internship this week as well. yay, more goodbyes. :/ this was one of the hardest parts so far. being able to develop relationships with the little children at Chain Foundation was probably my most favorite part of living in uganda! since their classes ended earlier in November, i have had the opportunity to just spend more time with them outside of a classroom setting. we played uno. gathered guavas off the trees together, i helped them to wash their clothes and hang them on the line to dry, painted nails, and even just playing on the swings or see-saw. ahh, they have grown on me so much. especially the ones that are vsually impaired! they are the cutest and sweetest things i have ever encountered. they come up to you and the first thing they do is grab your hand saying, "hi auntie! you come..." and then they drag you off somewhere to show you something.

one of my favorite memories with them was when my american friend, kelly, and i went to go with some of them to pick guavas off the trees. but, hold on. let me just paint a picture for you: two mzungu girls, leading about fifteen visually impaired boys through a field filled with all kinds of ditches, creeks, and cow dung, trying to find little tiny round fruits in extremely high tree branches. yeahhh, needless to say, we had them all hold hands and started leading them to the trees. it was so funny, though, helping them over the random creeks. having to explain to an eight year old where to put his foot in order to not step in the water or when to jump or to go right or left. and all this with a language barrier. and then, on top of that when we did get to a tree, they would just grab the branches and feel around for the guavas. except all the good and ripe guavas are at the top of the tree, so you are the one who ends up climbing up there to get them. it just made me smile. i cant even imagine what this all looked like to a bystander.... hahaa

another recent time i went i brought all kinds of nail polishes for the kids. i figured i would just ask the children what their favorite color was and paint their nails for them. it would be a good way for me and the girls to bond. however, i could not have been more wrong. most of them just grabbed the polish and started on their own nails. and not just their nails, but basically their whole hands. haha, what was i expecting giving nail polish to semi blind children? and well... it wasnt just the girls. the boys got a kick out of it too. since i brought black and bright blue along with my color scheme, they went nuts painting their nails as well. one little girl, emily, would paint her nails one color and then come back to grab another and would just paint right over top of the other color. then she would wait for it to dry and do the same thing again. at the end of the day, i had no idea how many layers of polish she had on there. it was so funny!

this is Akim. he was the first little boy i met at Chain!

so, as you can see, i am going to be leaving with some amazing memories. i just wish i could take some of the little black children back home with me!! :( however, being here did make me realize one thing: i definitely want to adopt a child from Africa in my future. if not specifically uganda!

video footage

So, i figured i should list the links to some videos that my friend lindsey put together about our stay in uganda. they encompass a lot of the semester so far and im sure there are more to come. i helped her tape a lot of the footage, so you will randomly see my face pop up or hear my voice, but mostly it is her southern accent that takes over. (: just copy and paste the URL's into a new tab/page to view them. enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZzZoB3pEVs ------ a day in the life of a student at uganda christian university

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wc9quj9H9iU ----- life on campus/grasshopper eating

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwBv46mcvqM&feature=relmfu -----rural homestay

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIf4tKCSink  ---- Safari (includes my 21st birthday)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5uDFHjHT48&feature=youtu.be ---- final video

is it the homesickness talking?

So, today just so happens to be thanksgiving. I have realized, while being away from home, how much I absolutely LOVE this American holiday and completely miss it while I’m away. It has been one of the hardest things to be away from home during my favorite season, and realized that I probably should have picked the spring semester to study abroad. I chose to be out of the country when the leave change colors, when pumpkins are carved, and candy corn is eaten, when you can walk down the street and hear that crunch when you step on a dead leaf, when kids dress up like anything they want and go from door to door to get free candy, when some of the best food out of the whole entire year is feasted on, or when you can simply just wear jeans and hoodie because the weather is starting to get cold but sooooo cozy. Don’t get me wrong, I know I have tons of other fall seasons and thanksgivings to come in the future that I can enjoy all these things to the fullest. But I guess being here in Uganda and away from a lot of the things I have celebrated and experienced since growing up has made me appreciate so much of the tradition of it all. It has made me realize just how truly blessed I am. God has given so much to me, most of which I have taken for granted up until this point.

I guess I just miss it all. I miss my family. My friends at school. and home. Okay, I will finally admit how homesick I am. Yes, I said it. I was trying for the longest time not to say it out loud or let myself be convinced of it because I knew just how long I would be away from home. And that’s just the thing, this is the longest I have ever been away, not just from home, but from school, or America in general, out of my environment that seems comfortable and safe. I think that’s why it has been so hard … because the entire time being here, it has been a stretching and growing experience, and sometimes that is just draining when it is done constantly, without a break. I promise I’m not trying to complain or be a debbie-downer- just being real. I don’t know how missionaries do it, completely moving their whole lives to be present in a different culture. I am sure once they get used to it all and settled in, it is not as difficult and they don’t think twice about it, but we do give them the credit they deserve, because let me be the first to say how much of an adjustment it can be! It’s one thing to experience a lot of awesome life-changing things in a different place, but when apart from friends, family, and those that matter most, it doesn’t mean as much, with no one to share it with. I keep finding that my heart and body have not been in the same place for a while now. My body is here, living life out daily in this place, but all my heart wants right now is to be back in Pennsylvania with everyone I love. fortunately  my one friend here was "prescribed" homesickness medicine. on the bottle it literally says, "for severe homesickness or chronic fatigue caused by culture shock or adaptation. take one to two tablets by mouth every day or as needed." haha, you curious as to what exactly it is? sweet tarts, for kids at camp that miss their families. hahaaaa, but i have been taking some and its seems to be getting me through! (: 

On a more positive note, the friends I have come here with, all the other Uganda Studies Program (USP) students and I are at least able to eat a thanksgiving dinner together. Tonight we have planned to eat turkey that is grilled, because it wont fit in the ovens here. We will have sweet potatoes/yams, corn, maybe mac and cheese, and tons of desserts that us students had to make ourselves. We pretty much will go all out with as much of the foods as we can make here! I plan to eat to my shrunken stomach bursts open, because this is the first time in… well, all semester that we will not be eating just rice and beans. I also have a skype date planned with my ENTIRE family later today and I am soooooo looking forward to seeing everyone!

As much as I am ready to head back home, my time here has been anything short of great. I have made some REALLY good and close Ugandan friends that it is going to be hard to depart from. I know I am going to be a mess when it comes time to actually say goodbye. I will most likely be crying up a storm, knowing that our only contact from here on out will just be facebook or letters. Ahh, it’s so bittersweet!

just your average ride into town

so i know i have posted about really exciting, bucket list type stuff lately, but this here blog is just to explain the average trip of what it is like to get a ride into town. it doesnt seem like it would be a big ordeal, but you dont know what you are getting yourself into until you try it for the first time. So, here is a slightly sarcastic, but mostly very accurate attempt to explain what it is like...

So you find yourself standing on the street corner with bota-botas (motorcycle taxis) flying past you. And all you want is transportation to kampala, the capital of Uganda that is only a short forty-five minute drive away. However, it is not all that easy. Ohhhhh no, first you get flooded by six conductors at once asking you where you are headed and calling you Mzungu in the most upfront way as possible. You better not stand still at this point, because they will just swarm around, and soon you won’t even have room to think. So, you pick one, I usually go with the guy who looks like nicest…. You ask him his price. And of course, it is over the normal two thousand shillings that it actually costs to get there. Then, the next step is crucial. You have to stare him down. Tell him how much he is overcharging you and that you will not pay anything more than what is actually expected. (you can get an even better response if you say all this in their native language, luganda, of course). So, he shrugs his shoulders and says “kale”. You then get into the matatu, which is the size of a minivan… with fourteen seats that are so close together, you cannot just sit down next to someone without being all up in their grill. There is no option. So you pick the seat that flips down, thinking that you have a closer escape to an exit, just in case your claustrophobia decides to overtake you. But later you find out that this is not a smart move. Number one because the freaking seat is so broken and battered that it sits crooked. You are now slanted for the rest of the ride. And number two because now if anyone wants to get out, you are required to move out of their way. Anyways. It smells a little funky and you take your first look around… There is a very wide variety of people on this taxi. An old woman in a gomez (the traditional wedding dress), a college aged boy who is carrying a briefcase and looks way too professionally dressed for his age, another man who has a chicken on his lap that he is holding by its tied feet, and even a mom holding her most likely two year old daughter with a bandage on her arm like she just got out of the hospital after being hooked up to a drip for God knows what reason. So now what? Just sit and wait til you get there? No big deal, its only forty-five minutes right? WRONG! Little did you know, but the taxi has to stop every, oh let’s say hundred feet, because it must pick up more people and drop others off. There is no such thing as “a straight shot there”. Nooo, the conductor just keeps yelling out that window, with his head and half his body hanging out, trying to get more customers on this tiny van, even though there is absolutely no room left to squeeze. You think to yourself, ‘Okay, so I’ll just zone out and the time will go by faster’. Once again, you are wrong because soon the sun begins to bear down on you and it is extremely hot, no matter what time of day it is. “dangit, there goes that mindset. Okay, how long has it been? Only An hour and fifteen minutes?! Gosh, and we aren’t even halfway into town!!” Next you see that everyone is paying the conductor money… slipping him coins and crinkled up bills like it is some secret drug deal. They don’t even make eye contact. What is this!? Okay, so you pay him too, you figure you don’t want to look like the odd man out, but he doesn’t give you back your change. What the heck? Okay, maybe he is just waiting til he gets some smaller bills for change. I mean, you did hand him a twenty anyway and that is kind of a bigger bill. No, wrong. You begin to realize, he really does think you are that dumb, that you won’t notice if he doesn’t pay you the balance. This is crap. So you confront him, “ssebo… mmpa balance”. And he rolls his eyes, you are smarter than he thought. Good for you. That was a test. So he finally hands you the change you so rightly deserve. But wait, now what? The matatu just stopped working… “are you serious?” Yup, totally. Happens all the time. You are told to get out and move to ‘that one’ because it will take you the rest of the way. “Huh? You have got to be kidding me. Fine, I guess it’s the only option I have got.” So you get in and travel with this matatu for about ten more minutes until they once again pull over and tell you to get out. You ask them why and they say that they are not making enough business so they are going to stop here until they get more customers. Can they really do that?! Well, I guess so. It just happened. Alright. “I’m just going to keep a positive attitude” you think to yourself. “Glass half full, glass half full” you repeat to yourself. It can’t be that far away from the city. And you’re right. It’s only about another fifteen minutes until you get into kampala and you are totally relieved. But how do you tell the conductor where to stop the vehicle so you can get off? You don’t know how far is too far or what the place looks like that you are supposed to be dropped off at… the only thing left you have to do is trust his judgment. He says this is your stop, so you get off and assess your surroundings. Does it look right? You don’t know! So you ask for directions and hope that they aren’t attempting to take advantage of you either. “Gosh this has been one of the craziest experiences ever. But wait, this happens every time I want to go into the city? Well, I guess I better get used to it all then…”