attempting to clear my stage

so as i have been back from uganda, and trying to pick my life back up here in america, it has been one of my top priorities to try to completely just focus on God at this time. Uganda brought new and fresh perspective into my life and i saw him in a completely different way than ever before, so now i am attempting to really rely on Him for everything in my life here in the states. its one thing to go overseas and be able to be faithful through actions and words when things are not familiar, but its another when it is your daily routines, when it affects what you are used to, and when distractions get in the way again because life just gets busy again. it is so easy to fall back into bad habits or just get sidetracked with everything going on. so thats my mission right now. thats what im trying to work on. getting back to just me and Him. no distractions. no idols. nothing else on my stage.

lessons learned. friendships formed. time well spent.

So. I'm home. Weirdest thing ever. Literally. I have never felt more out of place. Or thrown off my game. Granted, I have only been home for not even a full three days so far, but it has been a crazy experience already. When I first got off the plane, I was wearing a jacket and thought that would be enough to keep me warm. Welllllp, I quickly found out that was the wrong mindset to have. Its crazy how for four months, all I had to think about was, “oh, its getting chilly, ill go grab my long-sleeved shirt and be done with it”. It’s a good thing I have such a loving and caring mother that brought me a winter coat to slip into once I got past customs. 

speaking of loving and caring mothers, did I mention she also tried to kill herself while making me my favorite potato soup? Apparently she was cutting up ingredients and chopped off part of her finger. When I saw her in the airport , she had a huge white bandage wrapped around her finger and just started laughing when I asked her what happened. Haha. Oh mom, I love you.

Anyways. Being home has been quite the experience. Not only did I initially freak out at things like seeing my breath, shiny cars everywhere you look, sidewalks, my first hot shower, or even hearing someone say “merry christmas”, but on top of all that, I have had the most emotional time. I cry at everything. Like more than a pregnant woman. Its bad. I have been trying to hang out with and see some of my friends lately, and after initially being with them, I start to tear up and lose it at the thought of being with them again. It feels so surreal. Yes, im super grateful to be with my family and friends again, and now more than ever appreciate them, but being with them also makes me think of all the amazing people I left behind in Uganda. Half way through conversations I have here, I think of memories I shared with those back in mukono, Uganda and that makes my almost tears turn into huge, weeping sobs. I miss Reagan. Jean. Josh. Hope. Daisy. Terry. Divine. Jessie. Ruth. Christine.  …and those are just my on-campus friends. I wont mention the adorable kids at my internship, or the Americans that I went on the trip with that now live all across the nation who I probably wont see again.

That’s just it. This is why saying goodbye was so dang hard. Its not just an “ill see ya later” thing. Nope, instead you have to face the reality, that if you are being honest with yourself, you probably will not see these people ever again. That brings in a totally different perspective. This is what hurts so bad. It has been the most difficult thing to integrate my African life into my American life. Not that I was a different person in Uganda, but I don’t know how to explain experiences, moments, or lessons that actually give them justice or accurately describe how much the memories have impacted me at my core. On this trip I learned a ton about myself. I learned patience. I learned presence and to value just being with people. I learned a lot about how well- off I have it in the States, but that I can easily live a simple life with a positive attitude. I have learned how to be intentional with my conversations, opportunities, and interactions to show the love of Christ, I have learned to fine worth in a vocation over a career. I have been able to step back from my life and see how my past has affected me, but also how I desire to orient my future in such a way that brings God the most glory. It has been a semester of clarity, but also one that has ultimately challenged me in numerous ways. 

bucket list.

so from the very beginning, before i even stepped foot on african soil, i made myself a bucket list to try and accomplish while living here for four months. i figured i'd post it, since it is pretty meaningful to me as to what i feel i have accomplished here in Uganda. although, a lot of my time here that was most significant to me was making friendships and memories that i will never forget. that i cannot put on a list and check off... 

•      Learn how to count to ten in an African language
•          Devotions at sunrise
•          White water raft down the Nile river
•          See a giraffe
•          Eat something really gross (aka – a grasshopper)
•          Go to invisible children headquarters
•          Bungee jump?
•          Don’t shave my legs for a whole month just because I can
•          Shower out of a bucket
•          Get a blanket made with some cool African fabric that I pick out myself
•          Make some lifelong memories with tons of little children at my internship
•          Give a pair of shoes away to someone who needs them more than I do
•          Skype Hannah in India
•          Slaughter some kind of animal
•          Buy some really tasty authentic African tea
•          Ride an elephant
•          Carry something on my head
•          Get some awesome tan lines
•          Ziplining?
•          Go to passion world tour 2012
•          Give away one of my favorite bibles, underlining and all, to someone I know without a doubt God has awesome plans for
•          Master the art of peeing anywhere, despite if there is a toilet or not, or toilet paper for that matter
•          Buy one of the over the shoulder side bags with an awesome African design
•          Take home red dirt
•          Puddle jump during one of those crazy African downpouring rainstorm

the start of the goodbyes

So this week has been very challenging for various reasons. good news is that classes ended last week. but that also means a lack of motivation to do just about anything. it has been difficult to be productive becuase all i want to do is hang out with my ugandan friends on campus, but they have crazy exam schedules (seriously way worse than our finals back in the states) so i only see them at night. i only have a few days left to spend with them, and it is going to be very hard to say goodbye. i have decided to write everyone letters before i go. this means three of my closest guy friends and a couple of my ugandan girls that live on my hall with me as well. i have already started some of the letters, and they are so hard to write. i am going to hate leaving these awesome friendships behind, knowing that the only way we can probably communicate is through facebook. praise the lord for modern technology.

Reagan and Heather. one of our last days together.

we have a farewell party this week that is basically a very long and drawn out goodbye. with speeches, professional dress, and hopefully some amazing food. the thing is though, TONS of people are invited. people from campus that we live with, the host families we all stayed at, even our supervisors from our internships. so literally probably close to a hundred fifty ugandans or more. crazy.

so besides that, i had my last day of my internship this week as well. yay, more goodbyes. :/ this was one of the hardest parts so far. being able to develop relationships with the little children at Chain Foundation was probably my most favorite part of living in uganda! since their classes ended earlier in November, i have had the opportunity to just spend more time with them outside of a classroom setting. we played uno. gathered guavas off the trees together, i helped them to wash their clothes and hang them on the line to dry, painted nails, and even just playing on the swings or see-saw. ahh, they have grown on me so much. especially the ones that are vsually impaired! they are the cutest and sweetest things i have ever encountered. they come up to you and the first thing they do is grab your hand saying, "hi auntie! you come..." and then they drag you off somewhere to show you something.

one of my favorite memories with them was when my american friend, kelly, and i went to go with some of them to pick guavas off the trees. but, hold on. let me just paint a picture for you: two mzungu girls, leading about fifteen visually impaired boys through a field filled with all kinds of ditches, creeks, and cow dung, trying to find little tiny round fruits in extremely high tree branches. yeahhh, needless to say, we had them all hold hands and started leading them to the trees. it was so funny, though, helping them over the random creeks. having to explain to an eight year old where to put his foot in order to not step in the water or when to jump or to go right or left. and all this with a language barrier. and then, on top of that when we did get to a tree, they would just grab the branches and feel around for the guavas. except all the good and ripe guavas are at the top of the tree, so you are the one who ends up climbing up there to get them. it just made me smile. i cant even imagine what this all looked like to a bystander.... hahaa

another recent time i went i brought all kinds of nail polishes for the kids. i figured i would just ask the children what their favorite color was and paint their nails for them. it would be a good way for me and the girls to bond. however, i could not have been more wrong. most of them just grabbed the polish and started on their own nails. and not just their nails, but basically their whole hands. haha, what was i expecting giving nail polish to semi blind children? and well... it wasnt just the girls. the boys got a kick out of it too. since i brought black and bright blue along with my color scheme, they went nuts painting their nails as well. one little girl, emily, would paint her nails one color and then come back to grab another and would just paint right over top of the other color. then she would wait for it to dry and do the same thing again. at the end of the day, i had no idea how many layers of polish she had on there. it was so funny!

this is Akim. he was the first little boy i met at Chain!

so, as you can see, i am going to be leaving with some amazing memories. i just wish i could take some of the little black children back home with me!! :( however, being here did make me realize one thing: i definitely want to adopt a child from Africa in my future. if not specifically uganda!

video footage

So, i figured i should list the links to some videos that my friend lindsey put together about our stay in uganda. they encompass a lot of the semester so far and im sure there are more to come. i helped her tape a lot of the footage, so you will randomly see my face pop up or hear my voice, but mostly it is her southern accent that takes over. (: just copy and paste the URL's into a new tab/page to view them. enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZzZoB3pEVs ------ a day in the life of a student at uganda christian university

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wc9quj9H9iU ----- life on campus/grasshopper eating

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwBv46mcvqM&feature=relmfu -----rural homestay

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIf4tKCSink  ---- Safari (includes my 21st birthday)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5uDFHjHT48&feature=youtu.be ---- final video

is it the homesickness talking?

So, today just so happens to be thanksgiving. I have realized, while being away from home, how much I absolutely LOVE this American holiday and completely miss it while I’m away. It has been one of the hardest things to be away from home during my favorite season, and realized that I probably should have picked the spring semester to study abroad. I chose to be out of the country when the leave change colors, when pumpkins are carved, and candy corn is eaten, when you can walk down the street and hear that crunch when you step on a dead leaf, when kids dress up like anything they want and go from door to door to get free candy, when some of the best food out of the whole entire year is feasted on, or when you can simply just wear jeans and hoodie because the weather is starting to get cold but sooooo cozy. Don’t get me wrong, I know I have tons of other fall seasons and thanksgivings to come in the future that I can enjoy all these things to the fullest. But I guess being here in Uganda and away from a lot of the things I have celebrated and experienced since growing up has made me appreciate so much of the tradition of it all. It has made me realize just how truly blessed I am. God has given so much to me, most of which I have taken for granted up until this point.

I guess I just miss it all. I miss my family. My friends at school. and home. Okay, I will finally admit how homesick I am. Yes, I said it. I was trying for the longest time not to say it out loud or let myself be convinced of it because I knew just how long I would be away from home. And that’s just the thing, this is the longest I have ever been away, not just from home, but from school, or America in general, out of my environment that seems comfortable and safe. I think that’s why it has been so hard … because the entire time being here, it has been a stretching and growing experience, and sometimes that is just draining when it is done constantly, without a break. I promise I’m not trying to complain or be a debbie-downer- just being real. I don’t know how missionaries do it, completely moving their whole lives to be present in a different culture. I am sure once they get used to it all and settled in, it is not as difficult and they don’t think twice about it, but we do give them the credit they deserve, because let me be the first to say how much of an adjustment it can be! It’s one thing to experience a lot of awesome life-changing things in a different place, but when apart from friends, family, and those that matter most, it doesn’t mean as much, with no one to share it with. I keep finding that my heart and body have not been in the same place for a while now. My body is here, living life out daily in this place, but all my heart wants right now is to be back in Pennsylvania with everyone I love. fortunately  my one friend here was "prescribed" homesickness medicine. on the bottle it literally says, "for severe homesickness or chronic fatigue caused by culture shock or adaptation. take one to two tablets by mouth every day or as needed." haha, you curious as to what exactly it is? sweet tarts, for kids at camp that miss their families. hahaaaa, but i have been taking some and its seems to be getting me through! (: 

On a more positive note, the friends I have come here with, all the other Uganda Studies Program (USP) students and I are at least able to eat a thanksgiving dinner together. Tonight we have planned to eat turkey that is grilled, because it wont fit in the ovens here. We will have sweet potatoes/yams, corn, maybe mac and cheese, and tons of desserts that us students had to make ourselves. We pretty much will go all out with as much of the foods as we can make here! I plan to eat to my shrunken stomach bursts open, because this is the first time in… well, all semester that we will not be eating just rice and beans. I also have a skype date planned with my ENTIRE family later today and I am soooooo looking forward to seeing everyone!

As much as I am ready to head back home, my time here has been anything short of great. I have made some REALLY good and close Ugandan friends that it is going to be hard to depart from. I know I am going to be a mess when it comes time to actually say goodbye. I will most likely be crying up a storm, knowing that our only contact from here on out will just be facebook or letters. Ahh, it’s so bittersweet!

just your average ride into town

so i know i have posted about really exciting, bucket list type stuff lately, but this here blog is just to explain the average trip of what it is like to get a ride into town. it doesnt seem like it would be a big ordeal, but you dont know what you are getting yourself into until you try it for the first time. So, here is a slightly sarcastic, but mostly very accurate attempt to explain what it is like...

So you find yourself standing on the street corner with bota-botas (motorcycle taxis) flying past you. And all you want is transportation to kampala, the capital of Uganda that is only a short forty-five minute drive away. However, it is not all that easy. Ohhhhh no, first you get flooded by six conductors at once asking you where you are headed and calling you Mzungu in the most upfront way as possible. You better not stand still at this point, because they will just swarm around, and soon you won’t even have room to think. So, you pick one, I usually go with the guy who looks like nicest…. You ask him his price. And of course, it is over the normal two thousand shillings that it actually costs to get there. Then, the next step is crucial. You have to stare him down. Tell him how much he is overcharging you and that you will not pay anything more than what is actually expected. (you can get an even better response if you say all this in their native language, luganda, of course). So, he shrugs his shoulders and says “kale”. You then get into the matatu, which is the size of a minivan… with fourteen seats that are so close together, you cannot just sit down next to someone without being all up in their grill. There is no option. So you pick the seat that flips down, thinking that you have a closer escape to an exit, just in case your claustrophobia decides to overtake you. But later you find out that this is not a smart move. Number one because the freaking seat is so broken and battered that it sits crooked. You are now slanted for the rest of the ride. And number two because now if anyone wants to get out, you are required to move out of their way. Anyways. It smells a little funky and you take your first look around… There is a very wide variety of people on this taxi. An old woman in a gomez (the traditional wedding dress), a college aged boy who is carrying a briefcase and looks way too professionally dressed for his age, another man who has a chicken on his lap that he is holding by its tied feet, and even a mom holding her most likely two year old daughter with a bandage on her arm like she just got out of the hospital after being hooked up to a drip for God knows what reason. So now what? Just sit and wait til you get there? No big deal, its only forty-five minutes right? WRONG! Little did you know, but the taxi has to stop every, oh let’s say hundred feet, because it must pick up more people and drop others off. There is no such thing as “a straight shot there”. Nooo, the conductor just keeps yelling out that window, with his head and half his body hanging out, trying to get more customers on this tiny van, even though there is absolutely no room left to squeeze. You think to yourself, ‘Okay, so I’ll just zone out and the time will go by faster’. Once again, you are wrong because soon the sun begins to bear down on you and it is extremely hot, no matter what time of day it is. “dangit, there goes that mindset. Okay, how long has it been? Only An hour and fifteen minutes?! Gosh, and we aren’t even halfway into town!!” Next you see that everyone is paying the conductor money… slipping him coins and crinkled up bills like it is some secret drug deal. They don’t even make eye contact. What is this!? Okay, so you pay him too, you figure you don’t want to look like the odd man out, but he doesn’t give you back your change. What the heck? Okay, maybe he is just waiting til he gets some smaller bills for change. I mean, you did hand him a twenty anyway and that is kind of a bigger bill. No, wrong. You begin to realize, he really does think you are that dumb, that you won’t notice if he doesn’t pay you the balance. This is crap. So you confront him, “ssebo… mmpa balance”. And he rolls his eyes, you are smarter than he thought. Good for you. That was a test. So he finally hands you the change you so rightly deserve. But wait, now what? The matatu just stopped working… “are you serious?” Yup, totally. Happens all the time. You are told to get out and move to ‘that one’ because it will take you the rest of the way. “Huh? You have got to be kidding me. Fine, I guess it’s the only option I have got.” So you get in and travel with this matatu for about ten more minutes until they once again pull over and tell you to get out. You ask them why and they say that they are not making enough business so they are going to stop here until they get more customers. Can they really do that?! Well, I guess so. It just happened. Alright. “I’m just going to keep a positive attitude” you think to yourself. “Glass half full, glass half full” you repeat to yourself. It can’t be that far away from the city. And you’re right. It’s only about another fifteen minutes until you get into kampala and you are totally relieved. But how do you tell the conductor where to stop the vehicle so you can get off? You don’t know how far is too far or what the place looks like that you are supposed to be dropped off at… the only thing left you have to do is trust his judgment. He says this is your stop, so you get off and assess your surroundings. Does it look right? You don’t know! So you ask for directions and hope that they aren’t attempting to take advantage of you either. “Gosh this has been one of the craziest experiences ever. But wait, this happens every time I want to go into the city? Well, I guess I better get used to it all then…”

white water raft? down the NILE?! sure!

So, i kinda had this awesome opportunity to go rafting down the NILE RIVER! yes, it did cost $100 bucks, but it was a blast! level five and six rapids are something that is a total adrenaline rush. although i do have to admit that i was scared out of my mind!!! I was praying more than halfway through the ride, just that i wouldn't die. i might have peed my pants a couple times, but thats okay, i just crossed off another one of my goals on my bucket list... pee in the Nile! haha :)

anyways, we geared up with our helmets and life jackets and they had us go through about an hour training with our guide, Sadat. He was so great and super funny, while we were all freaking out. so we learned how to get down really fast in case a huge rapid appeared out of nowhere, and how to row altogether for better power, and oh - "when the raft capsizes, feel free!" (a very typical african term, by the way) Sadat taught us what to do when it flipped over, how you have to find the air pockets and just hold onto the raft until the rapids stop so we could all flip the raft back over. well this was all great in theory, until our very first rapid, we flipped. fancy that. and guess who couldn't find the air pocket? yup, you guessed it. i was stuck under there, trying to feel around with my hands and keep my cool all at the same time, while still cascading down more rapids in the meantime. uggh, it was terrifying. i illegitimately thought i was going to die. it was INSANE! 

We went down eight total rapid sections with crazy huge waves and only a rope to hold onto on the side of our raft. there was one spot that we did not go because it is named "the bad spot" and they explained it as a washing machine that just sucks you in. yeah, that didnt seem like such a smart thing to sign up for... although our guys, Mike and Paul really wanted to brave it. There were multiple occasions where i flew out of that raft when no one else did. i have no idea why, because i was holding on with all my might. once, i specifically remember doing a belly flop into a rapid and it hurt like crazy. and another time, i did a complete backflip out of the raft. they even had workers stationed on the land nearby that captured a picture of it... all of my other friends just chilling in the raft, and there were my legs, straight up in the air and my upper half, engulfed by a huge wave. hahaaa it was pretty comical.

so praise the Lord that i survived. but now my arms hurt like crazzzzy from paddling and rowing so much, and i got just a little bit sunburnt (i say this lightly so my mom wont freak out at how bad it actually was). But i am so happy i did it and didn't act like a complete fool and chicken out. so, to all you adrenaline junkies out there, take it from me... add rafting the Nile to the top of your list. its well worth it!

living out the lion king

so. i kind of had this awesome opportunity to go on a safari ride, on the very day of my twenty-first birthday nonetheless! God has blessed me with many things on this trip, and i was worried about having my birthday away from all my friends and family, but he surrounded me with awesome friends here and the crazy chance to see all these native african animals up close and personal! it was AWESOME! i loved every second of it.

first, we got in our vehicle and they told us it was a pop-up van, meaning the roof literally came up and we were able to climb out to sit on the roof while the van rode around the african roads through the park, forest, and flat lands. We were able to see tons of animals! from elephants with their young that almost charged at us, giraffes that we could get out and walk around with, warthogs that looked like pumba in the lion king, lots of antelope with huge horns, waterbuffalos huddled in their herds, lots of hippos chilling in the nile river, crocodiles, baboons with their bald butts, and probably more i'm forgetting right now. probably the only animals we didnt see were zeebras and lions. but wow, it was all so incredible to see all these beautiful creatures with such detail, in person, close enough to not even need to use your zoom on your camera lens!

God is sooooo cool to create all this stunning creatures. The giraffes spots were gorgeous and so unique. the elephants were huge, even down to their footprints in the mud as we passed by - they were ginormous circles in the dirt! the waterbuffalos almost looked blue in color if you looked at them long enough. the warthogs had this really cool hair running down their back that looked like a mohawk. the hippos even yawned at one point so we could see the inside of their mouth! It was all so unreal to be present and witness all this! God's creation is so magnificent and vast that my mind cannot comprehend it sometimes.

Rural homestay - living like an african

Hello everyone! I know it has been a long time since I last posted, but i actually have a good reason this time. I just got back from my RURAL HOMESTAY in central Uganda! We stayed in what one typically thinks of when they think of an african village. They split us all up, some of us Americans were paired up two to a host family, but I was placed by myself with my own family filled with about ten kids, a toto (mom), and tata (grandma). Not only did this make things eventful with so many people running around, but I had about twelve pigeon friends, tons of goats with their young, six ducks, five turkeys, four cows with their calves, seven chickens, eight pigs, a dog, and a newborn kitten.

            This was a very different experience from my other homestay in the urban setting for many reasons. I have gotten used the sound of roosters crowing and cows mooing in the distance and actually might miss the sound when I come back home. The constant smell of campfire as well! Here I stayed in a hut, woke up everyday and was able to help out with daily tasks. things like weeding the garden, digging up sweet potatoes, pumpkins, and greens to eat, fetching for water from a well and carrying it back balancing on my head (which is actually a lot harder than it looks, and really starts to hurt your neck after a while), shelling ground-nuts (local peanuts), milking the cows, and I even got to slaughter my own chicken to cook for dinner. I loved every minute of it! Yes, I pooped in a hole and sometimes even used leaves to wipe when I ran out of toilet paper, haha. (I knew someone would be curious to know) Anyways, It was customary for me being a girl to wear the longer skirts everyday and help out as much as I could, and in my free time, which I had lots of, I could play with the kids and just relax and enjoy the abundance of food around. It is crazy how every tree, bush, and plant here seems to produce some kind of fruit or produce (that might be an exaggeration, not every single one, but it would be rare to stumble upon something that didn’t produce something). Just on my family’s land there were orange trees, jackfruit trees, papayas, mangoes, different types of berries, and pretty much anything imaginable! I think it is safe to say that I overate while I was there. From living here for a week, I am unsure as to were the typical stereotype of “starving kids in Africa” comes from. We ate heaps of food for our meals, and then ate or drank porridge (which I really didn’t care for because it just tasted like warm spit to me) every minute in between. Everything that was left over was fed to the animals. When you own your own farmland, there is always more you can go dig up, harvest, or plant to make sure you never run out, unless of course the rain or weather does not cooperate. Although, a lot of what they ate was carbs and things that would just fill up your stomach, with not much taste, for instance, the bread called atapa. This stuff had no yeast and was made out of millet grain and was the consistency of a giant blob that the whole family would pull pieces off of to eat for every meal. I was not such a fan.

            The kids out in the rural settings are super self-sufficient. I swear each and every one of them is a wizard with a knife and can cut open any fruit without slicing their fingers, or chop up potatoes or food for meals just as well as their parents could. (wayyyy better than me, I might add). They can all build fires better than some dads I know back in the states. And they lift, dig, and work so hard that they have so much endurance and strength, especially in such hot, dry heat. My little host sister Getrude, who is nine years old, was the most helpful person ever. Her English was actually pretty good for her age and she usually was the one to tell me when it was time to bathe or eat… or just what to do next so I didn’t completely embarrass myself by missing out on some kind of cultural insight I was supposed to know. I shared a room with her and even bathed out of the same bucket with her, so it is easy to say that we quickly became very close. My host mom Christine was so sweet as well. She was a single mother because her husband left her years ago to take care of the kids alone with her mother. She was such a strong-willed person, and a very sociable and well-known person around the village. Every time we walked around to someone else’s hut, everyone knew her and she was so eager to show me off.

            Everything was done outside, whether it is light or dark. You have the sun or the moon to provide enough light for you to work. They didn’t just stop after it got dark. Also, the light in the morning was viewed as good for your soul and everyone wakes up as soon as the sun rises to try to soak up as much of this sunlight as possible. The one morning I had woken up early, but stayed in my room to read and journal a little and my host mom came in asking me if I felt okay, because she thought I was sick… why else wouldn’t I come out to experience this rejuvenating, magic morning sunlight? Oh! Also the one morning I woke up, there was a chicken on my bead sleeping with me. As soon as I shushed it away, there were two eggs laying on my bed! It had hatched eggs in my bed while I was sleeping!! Also, I suppose that the prayers there were very important because night after night or morning there were prayers that were spoken for hours upon a time. Sometimes I would even be woken up at two or four in the morning by someone screaming and yelling and crying in Atesso (the rural language)… the first time I heard it all I thought someone had died and was almost afraid to go see what was happening.

            Killing the chicken was my most favorite part of the entire week! I kept begging my host mom day after day if we could slaughter one, but she waited until the last night to let me. Cruelty. Anyways, my two of my host brothers had to chase the chicken around the compound twice just to catch it, Haha. Once they did, my brother Johnny flung it upside down, tied its feet together and brought it over to a hole in the ground for the process to begin. He told me I was to step on its feet with one foot, and its wings with my other foot. Then I held the head with one hand and sliced the neck with the other hand. This would have been easier said than done if the knife was actually sharpened! No, this was the dullest knife ever, and I had to saw at that poor chickens neck until the blood started squirting out. Even after the head was off, the body was still squirming and moving (and I even asked my mom if I would have let it go, she said it would have run around with its head cut off – so yes, that rumor is true, ladies and gentleman!) Anyways, I was covered in its blood by the time the whole ordeal was over. However, I was to put the chicken in a hot, boiling pot of water to make the feather pluck off easier. After we defeathered it, it was time to chop it up! Johnny was explaining to me every single part of the organs, digestive system, and even how they save certain parts like the liver, heart, and gizzard to eat because they are a specialty. (GROSSSS!) anyways, eating it was actually really good! My African family knew how to cook some good chicken! Yum!

            Without boring you all and going on and on, Ill close this blog with one of my favorite sights, which was the night sky. Every night, my family would lay out this mat for me to sit on and I would stare up at the millions of stars, with my little kitten friend Penelope as I named her, sitting in my lap. God is soooo immense to create such a beautiful, vast sight! There were easily ten times the amount of stars I am used to seeing back in the states without all the pollution, cars, and lights to drown out the little twinkling dots I saw! I would sit there in complete awe of my Creator! He is so great for even presenting me with this opportunity to come to Africa, make the friendships I have, and enjoy four whole months here understanding and experiencing His new mercies everyday. 

first world problems

So, in class lately, we have been talking about poverty. as much as this is a funny little video to portray it, the way we complain about our problems really mean nothing in the scope of problems that other people face around the world.

This is just a challenge to keep yourself (and myself included) in check about what comes out of our mouths and how we should realize how blessed we really are...

in your unending love

a song that i have been recently obsessed with. 

its a rather new one done by hillsong.

it has gotten me through my hardest times while im here in uganda

and when i went to church today they sang it

it was the biggest blessing

God has a crazy way of giving you just what you need when you least expect it...

"now and forever

your face is all i seek

now all i am 

i lay at your feet

im humbled by the wonder of your majesty

one thing i know

i find all i need

in your unending love"

Passion World Tour comes to Uganda

So, a couple weeks ago, i had the opportunity to go into the capital of Uganda and attend this huge worship concert/conference called Passion. I dont know if anyone has heard of it, it's actually pretty big in the US as well and it is normally held in Atlanta or somewhere that they can rent out a huge stadium or space to fit thousands of people and just have a concert full of worship songs.
First of all, it was crazy that we even had the chance to go because our headquarters and directors told us that normally when there are gatherings that big, you have to be careful of things like bomb or terrorists threats, but by the grace of God, they let us go. but wait, thats not even the best part... yes it was a great privilage that we got to attend, but an even bigger blessing was the price that we had to pay. It was only two thousand shillings when we showed our student ID's. now, let me translate the significance of how much money that is in reality. the conversion here is every $1 is two thousand and five hundred shillings, just about. ...yupppp, you see the reality of it now, and why i am freaking out about how small of an amount this was. I paid 80 cents to go to this concert, and essentially paid more for the granola bar that i took inside than i did to actually go. ladies and gentlemen, this is the definition of INSANE. tickets to these concerts in the states go for about $200-300!
when we got there, it was weird to see so many different muzungus (white foreigners, like myself). i kept wondering what they were doing there and im sure they were questioning the same things about our group as well. Were they on short term missions trips, studying abroad like me, living in africa, or what? But the more i thought about it, the more i realized that it didnt matter where they were from, it was just so unbelievable to think that God brought us all there for that one night to lift up the name of Jesus. It was amazing to hear Chris Tomlin and Christy Nockels (the female lead of the band Hillsong) play a few songs and Louie Giglio speak. I think the coolest part was the realization of just how many thousands and thousands (31,000 to be exact) of people were there (Ugandan, European, American, and im sure all kinds of other Africans), excited to worship the Lord. all with their hands lifted straight in the air and screaming at the top of their lungs for what their God has done for them. Yes, we all speak different languages, come from different backgrounds, have been through so many diverse experiences, but we all believe in the same God. He has had an impact on each and every heart there and empowered all those people with his Holy Spirit. It was amazing to be able to pray with some of those around me and just know that we had that one common factor uniting us. it was beautiful. i dont know how else to describe it. a very rejuvenating experience for me, being so far from home and constantly being stretched and molded spiritually. i have never felt more grateful or blessed.

Internship at the Orphanage!

So since I have been in Uganda, I have started an internship at an orphanage and school for the blind and visually impaired. I am able to go every Tuesday and Thursday and it has been the best experience since I have been in Africa. When I get there every day, the students are in school and I am able to sit in the classrooms with them and help them take notes in their braille notes (i included some pictures below), which they freehand, by the way and it is completely incredible and mind blowing. In the beginning, it was a struggle to learn names and get a relationship going with the children (because, if I’m being honest, they all look alike, with the same haircut, bright yellow uniform, and cute little backpacks), but now it is just the easiest thing ever to walk up to any of the 200 plus children and start talking to them. Typically, when I go, I am able to spend time with them, and also time in the offices learning about their lives from a social work perspective. Anytime I get to spend time with them, I am blown away by the way these kids are there for each other. The seeing ones help the ones who can’t, with almost everything. They hold each other’s arms to guide them around and not run into things, they read off the notes on the board so they can write them out in braille, and even play with each other and have the highest patience level for their friends. It is amazing to just sit there and watch it happen so naturally.
            When I am not with the children, I am able to work in the offices and look through the children’s files and backgrounds. Many of the children are not even completely blind and maybe just need glasses to correct their vision, but have been labeled with the title “blind”, taught braille, and treated the way the rest of the totally non-seeing kids have. It is unbelievable to be able to go through and read some of these files. There were things that happened to some of these kids that I literally started tearing up over while reading it. Unfortunately I’m not allowed to say specifically what, due to confidentiality issues, but just know that these kids have been through so much and are only so little, it breaks my heart. I couldn't help but read through these and pray for each one specifically. That God would have His hand on their futures and provide for their needs physically, spiritually, and otherwise. Even down to the simple things like providing food from day to day. I prayed that not only would I have an impact and positive time there, but that those in authority permanently, like the teachers and social workers, would be able to significantly invest in these kids’ lives, because there is such a need for a constant relationship and guidance in their lives. They crave friendships and will run up to just about anyone and love on them, calling you “auntie” or “uncle” in the cutest little high pitched voices.

            The other day, when I had free time, I went to just spend time with the children at the orphanage and they were so enthusiastic about a "mzungu" (white) auntie taking time to eat guavas off trees and play on the slide. It was wonderful. They have even helped me learn a little braille myself and stumble over trying to learn Luganda, the local language here. I can already tell that these children are going to have a special place in my heart. By then end of this semester, it is going to be so hard to say goodbye to all my little new friends. 

tell it like it is.

"Here, my life is extraordinarily normal. I think that when I told people I was going to Uganda, they imagined that I’d be rocking orphaned babies to sleep and changing the world. I'm not. I go to class, brave the freezing water of a shower, cry about missing my little brother back home once in a while, crave American candy and chicken nuggets like crazy, find encouragement in the same Bible verses my friends do, and forget to bring toilet paper to bathroom. But how can I make this normal extraordinary? How can I incorporate kingdom living into my life here in Uganda for the next three months with more than my smile and a few words of encouragement tossed out to those who need it? I am called for that in my everyday life, whether I’m in Uganda or not. I’m praying to see it."

That is a quote from my friend lindsey who is studying abroad here as well. i love the point she makes in the very first couple sentences. I am not going to be doing amazing missions-trippy things while i am here. yes, i will be having moments that i hope i will cherish and remember forever. but while i am here, i am studying. living. being.
one of the key elements to african culture is learning how to just be. presence is a huge value here and people will just sit with each other for hours and consider it good quality time. In the states, we think we have to have deep, meaningful conversation, but every african i meet here loves you from the very start. they accept you like you are family, yet they dont even know you. this is something that i want to learn and take away while here. accepting people as they are. i hate how i am so quick to judge others. or say something bad about those around me when they arent around. this is definitely something God is instilling in me while i am here.
God has brought me to Uganda for a reason and as it says in esther "for such a time as this". even though i wont be doing ministry while i am here, i pray and know that He is going to be setting up divine appointments for certain conversations i will have with those around me that are just as much ministry as any missions trip. I am asking the Holy Spirit to give me the missionary mentality to gain the most out of all my interactions. as i am here for the next three months, and just being, I fully believe He is going to bring opportunities into my everyday life that will challenge those i come in contact with as well as stir up my spiritual convictions. One of the things we talk about in our classes is coming in with a "missionary mentality" but stepping back and not being so forward about changing the culture you are in right away. You cannot just drastically turn things around if you dont first embrace the environment, learn to be with and know the people, or understand where others are coming from.
I have things to learn too, i dont have all the answers. so for now i am learning to live with questions. and challenge my assumptions. even learn the hard lessons that i never "had time for" back in the states...

FYI...

so, some cultural insights that are good to know if you are to ever travel to the country of uganda in the near future:

• eating and walking at the same time is considered completely rude
• they value dressing up smart, and almost everyone you meet looks like a businessman.
• dinner is eaten at 9 or 10 o'clock PM every night, and then you go straight to bed, no questions asked
• guys in Uganda are SUPER forward. they will ask for your number or if you are married in the first five minutes of meeting you
• telling someone they are fat happens all the time and is somehow considered a compliment?
• soap operas are the TV shows for every person of the family. first they are made in the Philippines. then they are translated to Luganda (the native language here) and then to English. EVERYONE loves them. and they are the cheesiest thing i have ever seen.
• walking around in flip flops (like the old navy kind) is unacceptable because they are only ever used for the showers and only for that
• anytime is tea time
• there is no concept for lines in the stores, you basically just have to learn the art of cutting people off and it is not rude at all
• they play the same two commercials here. the most popular one is an Always pad commercial. hahha
• eating the same thing for every meal happens every single day with no complaints
• there is no such thing as too close for comfort.
• everything is incredibly cheap. you can buy an avocado for less than 25 cents. ride a taxi for an hour and only pay a 50 cent equivalent.. etc
• there are no changing seasons here. it is always 70-80 degrees and sunny. with a sudden expectancy of torrential downpour for an hour
• there is no word that translates into "please"

Mukono Homestay!

So these past two weeks have been a challenge to say the least. We had not only four days to live in our dorms on campus when they moved us into our homestays in Mukono, the town nearby campus. We have been moved around so much and it has been quite a transition. So, I met my host family, consisting of Maama Faith, Taata Godfrey, host sister Tina, and a bunch of other siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles who I cannot even say I know how they are related. Families here are huge, and if you have just four kids, it is considered small! All my relatives are older, in secondary school (high school) or university. I was hoping for little kids in my family, but the closest thing I have is the children who live nearby and go to the school right by my house. So I have gotten to let out my urge to play with little black children by talking to them and playing hand games with them. There is also this little boy named Arnold, who lives near me (in the first picture), who is the cutest little thing I have ever seen. He calls himself “Arnold-D!” and loves to grab onto my hand as soon as I get home and never let go. He plays with my watch all the time, pressing the buttons so it beeps. And touches my white skin, which every kid seems fascinated by.

             While I am living at my host home, I have to shower out of a bucket, which, I have still have yet to figure out how to successfully wash my hair and get all the soap out. (i also realized that the same bucket my host sister pees in in the middle of the night, is the same one i use to wash my hair…) The bathrooms at my home are called latrines. They are literally just the typical outhouse, hole in the ground, that after dark you have to take a flashlight with you so you don’t step on cockroaches in the process. My walk to school is 45 minutes, mostly uphill. so needless to say, i am sweating and so exhausted by the time i get to school. and my feet are covered in the red dirt, no matter how hard i try to not step in things along the way. one day this week it poured on my way to school and that was definitely an experience. And food! Food has been a wide variety between things that I have absolutely loved and others that completely gross me out. The very first meal I had was a huge bowl of withered, cooked greens and plopped on top was a huge fish. Head, eyes, bones, tail, and all. It was interesting. Apparently the eyes are the best part, a specialty. Ugggh, completely gross! Other meals I have had are the typical rice and beans. Or rice and mtoke (smashed together cooked bananas). Or gnut sauce. Gnuts are called ground nuts here, pretty much just peanuts. So they top their rice with this pink looking gnut sauce that is pretty banging. And fruits are in full supply here. Anything from passion fruits. To papaya. To mango. To avocado (for like 50 cents!). to pineapple. To jackfruits, which are now my new favorite! it tastes like a mix between a banana and pineapple. Laundry is out of a bucket as well. it is incredibly hard to actually get bubbles to form, and then you have to ring it dry and hang it on the line (which will dry it in tops of four hours, because the sun here is so hot).
            I share a room with my sister Tina (the other one in the picture), who is 23. She is super funny and she is the person that I feel like I can talk to anything about. My mom seemed nice on the first couple days, but since then, I haven’t talked to her much, or should I say the other way around. I try to engage in conversation with her and she just barely answers me. My dad comes across as very abrasive and forward. One of the very first conversations I have ever had with him was him telling me how I should always bow down and kneel to him, every time I see him. That there is no exception, that is a cultural way of greeting your superior and showing respect, and that I need to do it in order to fit in here. With my history with dads, this did not go over so well. Also, with my values and beliefs, I have a huge problem with bowing down to anyone but my Creator, God. I had my time of freak out and crying it over, but it has gotten better at my host home, since the beginning.
            I am learning that living overseas is hard, let alone trying to not offend locals and learn about the culture in the process. In our classes we have been talking a lot about our specific experiences and figuring out how to handle them and what to take away from the lessons we are learning. I have had a lot of free time to get into my devotions and have good jesus times because everything in the African homes are very laid back. There is so much free time, more than you know what to do with. I have been praying for my future and the plans God has for me. All the promises He has laid out for me! It has been very refreshing and rejuvenating. He has been teaching me so many lessons already, ones that cannot be learned in a textbook. I cannot wait for the rest of the semester, even though it is going to be a challenging time, I am ready for the hard times to come. I wanted this semester to be something that makes me completely dependent and reliant on God, and that is exactly what it looks like is going to happen when all this is through!
            So thanks for all your prayers and support back home! It is definitely appreciated! I have some of the most encouraging family and friends I could ever ask for, so thank you so much for keeping up with everything I am doing! You guys are what makes it possible for me to be here, and stay emotionally stable! Love you all!

Rwanda Genocide

Since i never posted about my time in Rwanda and the things we learned about the genocide, i ask my friend Haley if i could just post what she wrote about the topic. it encompasses all my feelings as well. and really portrays the horrific things and events that happened there...

No documentary, book, or classroom discussion can prepare you for the horror of the Rwanda genocide. For those of you who don’t know, over 800,000 people died in a period of 100 days. As I walked into the Rwanda Genocide Museum I see a room full of pictures of the dead. I stopped breathing. It’s overwhelming to see so much death in one place, it’s even more overwhelming to know that this room is only a fraction of the total. All I could do was cry. The next room over consisted of clear cases full of skulls and various bones. You could see the machete marks and the bullet holes. I kept crying. Right outside the rooms was the quote: “When they said, ‘Never again,’ did they mean for some and not for others?” The only thought I could muster was, “when did people stop mattering? Since when was human life not important enough to save?” My heart broke. The west failed Rwanda. Scratch that, the whole world failed Rwanda.

As I walk through the section of dead children, one sign stands out. The sign reads: “Cause of death- beat against a wall.” Those words took a new meaning when I walked into one of the genocide church memorials. Our guide led us into the church and showed us a section full of clothes from the dead. She said, “this is where all the children were kept. The black spots on the walls is blood from where their heads were bashed into the wall.” I thought I was going to be sick. I just stood and stared, wide eyed and horrified. Then she walked us out back and took us into a mass grave. Shelf after shelf was full of skulls and bones. My heart broke a little more.

I was only 2 years old when the genocide happened. There was nothing I could have done. But on that day, I found no solace in that. I have never been so disgusted to be an American in my entire life. We sat there while nearly a million people were slaughtered. I don’t know if I will ever be able to comprehend this.

Rwanda is a beautiful country, but when you look into the eyes of the people there you can still see the hurt. Their wounds have not quite healed. A speaker who survived the genocide came to speak to us. In reference to Rwanda he said: “This isn’t a bus, it’s an ambulance. We’re all wounded.” That is the only way I can think to wrap up this post, we’re all wounded.

prayer limits?

okay so i currently started the book "Circle Maker" by Mark Batterson. I have only read the first twenty - something pages, but have already underlined almost every word. he talks about how nothing is too hard for God. But he goes a step further by saying that we arent challenging God enough in our prayer lives. if He can do the impossible, why arent we asking Him to in our lives?  i never thought about this before, but its so crazy to start imagining what could happen if people starting putting this theory to the test... 

He goes on to talk about not just pryaing ambiguously for your future, but specifically verbalize your desires and spelling out what you most want God to do in your life. "well-developed faith results in well-defined prayers." you have to know what you want, but what you want wont happen if its not in line with God's will.

so, im sitting here thinking about my future. possibly an adoption agency. or an orphanage. or a non-profit of some sort. a husband who loves the Lord. kids of my own. plus some adopted ones... all my goals and dreams. but then im also challenged to think if this theory of radical prayer has ever happened before in my life and it hits me...

im in uganda.         right now.

six months ago, this was just a goal. possibility. and what seemed like an unreachable feet for me (too much money, not safe enough, i would never be able to give up credits and a semester away from my home campus). however, i prayed long and hard about my desire to come to africa and study abroad and before i knew it, i was on a plane headed east. WHAT? really? ...its that easy?

if i didnt learn anything else, its that God's hand and timing are remarkable. He has got amazing things in store for those who love Him and seek His involvement in their lives. we just have to line up our deepest desires with His will and literally the sky is the limit.

personal prayer:

Father God, give me the raw dependence  it takes to trust you through anything and everything. i want to bring you praise with my life, but sometimes it feels like im just wandering, not knowing what comes next. lead me to the places and people that i can make a difference for you, i ask that you help  me to dream big and search for the promises you give me everyday. also, help  me to not worry about the details of my future because i know that you have it all in your hands. thanks for your incredible faithfulness in my life so far. you are beyond my comprehension.

I made it to Uganda!

I'm officially in Africa! Finally!
I am all moved into my dorm room with my roommate from Tennessee! Right when we arrived here, we saw all the red dirt and beautiful landscapes! God's majesty is all over this country! I still don't think it has hit me yet. that i'm here to stay. for four months. We had our first day of classes today and right when our professor started going over the syllabus, we saw tons of monkeys just running outside of the window. I guess that's going to take some getting used to!

As much as i would love to write out a huge long blog right now, i have to go get going on homework already. so i will keep it short and give you all a list of things i have compiled that i can already say i love about being here

Reasons why I love Uganda...

• Monkeys!
• Driving on the left
• chapatis!
• i dont have to shave my legs
• beautiful mountains
• black babies!
• washing clothes by hand is kinda fun
• red dirt
• balancing things on your head
• "you get it?"
• mosquito nets
• passion fruits, avocados, and endless other fruits
• bartering in the markets
• baby sacs... carrying them on your back
• the exchange rate makes you feel rich!
• the random surprise of spontaneous power outages

five days to go

that's right, you didn't read the number wrong. i only have five days left til i leave! i am experiencing the most emotions i have ever felt all at once. my excitement and nerves keep going back and forth, one minute im dancing around listening to waka waka and the next minute i'm freaking out that i cant fit everything in my suitcase. gahh! I know this is not the normal place that people go to study abroad, i get that. Most people look for the places with the prettiest landscape or the most tropical climate, or even to a place where they speak the english language. i love telling people im studying abroad and watching their reaction when i tell them that im going to uganda. its quite hilarious actually. but quite honestly, even though i have never been there before, i love africa. i know my heart is for the impoverished and downhearted. my one friend who is going with me this semester put it this way,  "God has a different plan for me. God has sleepless nights, red dirt, endless servings of rice and beans, coffee bean colored kids, white smiles, cold showers, and a constant need and desire for Him, in my future. Normal will never be enough for me anymore."  I want this trip to be something that makes me completely dependent on God. that way i take the risks and reach out to people and leave it up to Him to pull through and make things happen. every day that i am over there will be a journey, one that will undeniably stretch me.

on a side note, I'm sure some of you guys have heard of the deadly ebola virus that is spreading right now. there is no cause pointed out as to why people have been getting it and there is no cure or medication that can help to stop it from spreading or killing more. after reading tons of articles and watching some documentaries about it, it is hard for me to say that im not scared, but i have to hold on to the fact that God is going to be keeping me and the others going out of harms way. He has called us all there for a reason for these next four months and he wont let something as small as a virus stop Him from fulfilling his plans. God is bigger than this and i am believing that i will come back free of any kind of sickness! here's a link to a short ten minute news report about the outbreak if you want to learn more about what is going on..

http://abcnews.go.com/watch/nightline/SH5584743/VD55225101/nightline-87-ebola-outbreak-in-uganda